So you’re saying you have integrity?

A beautiful, intelligent, entirely captivating woman asked me while on a date some time ago what I thought my greatest strength was.

What I told her in the moment was that I go after what I want. Relentlessly. I say that I want something and then I work so hard to go and get it. A sense of follow through on what I say I’m going to do was my greatest strength.

We had a bit of back and fourth but what she said to me shortly after was “so you're saying you have integrity?”

Yes. Or at least I strive really fucking hard to have it.

That conversation crossed my mind again recently while smoking weed in my apartment with a good friend of mine around the time of my 30th birthday. That friend, 4 years younger than me, asked me what I wanted my 30s to be about.

What I said to him was that I wanted to be a man of my word. And that I wanted to continue to grow into the type of person I wanted to be.

The most powerful force you possess is your word. Your integrity.

Integrity is what gives your word weight. It is the alignment between what you say and what you do, between conviction and behaviour, that sculpts your inner and outer life.

When we find ourselves stuck, dissatisfied, or drifting, the first question worth asking is simple: am I living in accordance with what I claim to value? Much of our discontent can be traced back to a quiet misalignment in this domain.

Through steady cultivation–day after day, year after year–the relationship between your word and your actions becomes something far more significant than discipline. The continual symmetry becomes identity. A steady, firmly grounded sense that you are who you say you are.

The greater the symmetry and consistency, the more weight and power your word carries.

There are, of course, external powers and benefits to this for sure. People trust you. They take your word. They put their faith in you, confide in you, and rely on you. Your presence becomes stabilizing.

Great external pleasures will emerge in your life when you live with integrity, there’s no doubt. But the deeper power of integrity is internal.

Your word’s true power shines through in your relationship with your own self.

When your words and actions match consistently you feel an acute sense of internal alignment and coherence. You just feel like yourself.

Put more simply, do the things you say you want and you’ll be happier with your life.

This is not to say that your inner life will suddenly become peaceful. You’ll still encounter doubt, hesitation, competing desires, negative emotions, and spiritual suffering. Such is the cocktail within the human mind.

Living by your word does not require the elimination of this chaos, it requires something more precise. It requires that you learn to distinguish between what merely appears in your mind and what you choose to stand behind.

Your word is not your passing thoughts. Nor is it your impulses, moods, flashes of insight, or your momentary desires. Your word is composed of what remains after you’ve sifted through your internal landscape. Your word is made up of your considered commitments and your chosen priorities–the parts you decide are worth acting on and giving a shit about.

These parts, when carefully constructed, rise above the sea of thoughts. And, when followed through on, become bedrock of who you are.

Once your word emerges, it is up to you to show up for it. A simple but highly difficult task. Each day, no matter the suffering, you just have to follow through.

It simply doesn’t matter how difficult it may be. The difficulty of the action is irrelevant.

What matters is that what you said you would do is what you do. Otherwise, don’t say it.

This is where the integrity is built. Not in the moments of ease, clarity, and determination, but in the moments of friction. Integrity is an act of will, constructed amidst the chaos of our own minds.

If you want the internal alignment, your own commitment to living with integrity should be fixed, non-negotiable, and eternal. The integrity is forged when it’s most difficult and yet you manage to do so anyway.

Importantly, this does not mean rigidity. Your thoughts, opinions, positions, and values will shift over time. What you commit to today may not be what you commit to a year from now. That is not a failure of integrity, that’s just being a person.

But there is a distinction to be made. You are free to change your mind. You are not free to betray your own word in the present. If you choose something, commit to it. If you no longer believe in it, consciously withdraw it. But do not exist in the grey space where you continue to claim something while failing to act on it.

Repeated fractures between what you say and what you do will erode what you’ve built. Your commitment to your word has to be unwavering, or else you will lose your internal alignment.

This is, of course, an extremely difficult task; it’s a lifelong mountain to climb. I am of course still also climbing and falling and climbing some more.

How though? How do I build a life of integrity? How can I be a man of my word? How can I learn to follow through?

To that I have nothing for you. This is not an attempt at self-help.

You simply have to figure it out.

Your word is not just something you offer to the world.

It is the foundation of your relationship with yourself. It can be your greatest weapon.

Sharpen it.